Isaiah 26:3

Perfect peace
God provides perfect peace
Have I fallen away
When I have only felt His presence remain
He’s been here this whole time
Providing for and protecting me
From most things…
Perfect peace
Why can’t I obtain
Something so simple
Why can’t my brain
Heal faster and me be better
I feel so afraid
And am so ashamed I’m not stronger
I have worked so hard to be smarter
So much work to get better
Be better
Do better
But here I am on the cusp
Of something so entirely beautiful
Finally convinced myself
How I’m worthy of this
Allowed myself to believe
That I too am something wonderful
And all that is threatened now.
I can lose it all now
I can lose my love now
If I am incapable of being stronger
If I succumb and don’t fight
Against something that has already stolen so much.
My love deserves my sanity
And it’s my own responsibility
To preserve all the goodness I’ve been blessed with
To preserve everything I’ve managed to build.
I am responsible
For obtaining His perfect peace
To take solace he will believe me
No matter what transpires
I have to have faith and trust in His perfect peace
I have to have faith and trust in his love for me.
Without it, I don’t know what becomes of me
Without him, I don’t know what God has planned of me.
I don’t think much of myself
But I think the world of him
I know I can’t fight for myself
So maybe if I fight for him
Maybe I can win.

©AyalaRain