“It is a travesty when two hearts, at different intervals of life, find each other. And although they would otherwise be perfect for each other, they can’t be together, for the timing isn’t right.”
Because I don’t know how to appreciate fully
All the aspects of all the versions of him
I don’t deserve a single drop of love from that man
Last night I was singing uninhibitedly
That beautiful face of his
He looked at me like he saw me
He taught me some things
He made me feel that love could be real
A long time ago
And last night, for that short moment I knew his love to be real
But morning has come, and she rips away
All the words that were shared under the safety of lady night
The ones he’d never dare say in the light of day
He says he can’t remember any of our moments
He doesn’t remember how he confirmed we could never be a forever
He has broken my heart before, but not like this
This time we shared secrets holding nothing back
But now I’m alone, on my own, to remember all of his opinion based facts
We no longer share, this information, is alone for me to bare
The truth didn’t truly set me free
It simply threw me down into a well of despair
He knows I am deeply and madly in love with him
And I now know that he is not
His regards for me stops right before the falling part of love
I feel as though if I looked more like a model
If my talents and skills were beyond this mediocre hell I am trapped in
If I were more like a lady, if I were smarter
Knew how to be quiet,
He’d maybe look at me on the daily
Like the way he did last night
When he took my hand for a dance
In my arms, allowing himself to be for a moment unrestraint
That resolved in allowing himself to be cathartic
I don’t deserve him, I know this
I am too broken and insane for most anyone anyway
I am not selfish, I would never take
Him away from a potentially much better suited mate
One who is truly beautiful, inside and out
One who can appreciate all that he’s about
Someone who can hold him whenever he cries
Someone to reassure him that his spirit could never die
He is too important for me, way too important
Even if he doesnt see me truly the way he did for that moment before morning
I see him as he is, what he was, and who he could be
All versions of he were better off without me
But last night he confided otherwise
However, he doesnt remember
Maybe the noise about me is right
Continually being a toxic entity
Maybe it’s best to stay away
Maybe he didn’t mean a single word he said
Maybe that’s why his memory fails him
He’s a wonderful actor, maybe he wanted to play a scene
We didn’t make love, but just held each other in the night
And I foolishly felt what I thought was love
Maybe all the noise about me is right
And I should do what’s best for him and just leave
Even if the voice inside me tells me otherwise
My Love, you don’t see me
You aren’t here with me
Nor did you want to be
And I’m so sorry I couldn’t be
Everything you wanted me to be
– January, 2018
©AyalaRain
To Make Your Day Sweet 